Doubt

Sean,

Today has been an ok day. I had a moment of doubt in the car. I was listening to Blake Lewis, an artist you weren't even familiar with, and I started singing to the cd and I guess thats what did it. The whole singing in the car. That is when I am learning I am the most unsure of myself. Being in the car is hard. I guess because there is silence and I have time to think. Thinking....that is a problem. My brain spins at too many RPMs and I can nver really stop so it's always on. I stayed up too late last night - 3 AM, which caused Trish to worry about me this morning when I didn't get out of bed til 11.

Hanging out with my friends has been kind of amazing because it gives me time to get out of my head. But then the guilt sets in because I can't call you and tell you about it or I can't drag you to bowling or anything like that anymore.

I guess I have a bit of denial every day because I always expect you to be there when I get home. I guess I spend too much time expecting too much from everyone but mostly myself. I just want you to be home when I get there and that will never happen so I am still trying to learn how to deal with that. I will never be ok with it but I guess I really have no option.

Miss you more and more every day.

Love,

Wes