Peace?

Sean,

The past two days you haven't been the all encompassing though in my head. I still miss you and it still hurts like hell without you here but I have been able to do other things aside from mourn. I know that is where I am supposed to be. I know that is what I am supposed to do but I look at my dad and there are more times than not that I don't think about him. I don't know if I want that. I don't know if not having you on my mind all the time means I am forgetting you. I have enough problem thinking about living without you that forgetting you is so much harder. I don't want to do that. I don't want to forget you. EVER. I don't really like living without you. I don't like not having you here but being able to breathe a bit and being able to function a bit is good too, right? That doesn't mean that I am forgetting you, does it? I think I am feeling guilt. That's what this emotion is. Wayne tells me that I need to feel my emotions and deal with them as they happen, not sorta deal with them and push em aside. So I think this is guilt. You wouldn't want me to feel guilty and you would want me to be able to function, especially when it comes to school. But it kind of feels good to feel guilty too because I am at least feeling something and I'm not just numb. Here I go again analyzing and over-analyzing. I need to quit that. Even Wayne says so.

I love you baby and miss you,

Wes

Oh.....P.S. I went and had lunch with Danett and Lisa yesterday and it was great. We talked about you and school and so much stuff. It was awesome. Last night, I tried to watch Celtic Women and I couldn't move it passed where you had stopped it. Kinda like I didn't want to watch it without you. I am watching shows for you so that we can talk about em and you can make fun of me for being me about the shows. I can kinda focus on the shows and I get something out of them. I still haven't brought myself to watch the Smallville with the JSA in it cause you were looking forward to it. Any way, I need to get off here and vacuum this nasty floor so I can shave and get in the shower and go to school. I have a test I have to make up tonight for sign language.