Equals

Sean,

This has been a helluva weekend. Yesterday I ran some errands. I renewed the Sam's membership - which they told me to leave it as a business membership. I bought some things we needed from Sam's and then I went to go have the oil changed at Wal-mart. They wanted me to wait an hour and a half. An hour and a half!! I was like there is no way I am gonna walk around Wal-mart for an hour and half so I'll go back on Wednesday to have it changed. I left there and went and hung out with Gary for a while, had dinner with him at Ninki. After dinner, I went to hang out with Charles (who says fuck a lot), and I was there til 10-ish. I made the decision to go to Equals last night. I went to the bar and the only person that I knew was David. He and I talked for a while then I sat in the corner of the bar, drank 2 beers and felt miserable. So much was going through my head. I was doing a bit of people watching, I was looking at guys but no one was lookin at me. It was pretty sad. Here I am, 33 years old, pretty overweight and alone at the bar. The thought of starting over at my age is pretty miserable.

We had 11 years together. We built a stable life, a comfortable life. We had 11 years worth of memories. I was able to go through our music and pick out songs that had special meaning to not only you but to me as well. Songs that meant something. It terrifies me that I won't have that. I won't have someone to pick out music that means something special to me.

Today was certainly interesting, Sharon Ann and her family came down and hung out all day. Then the rest of the family came for dinner. After dinner we did a lot of talking about you. I cried (go figure) a lot, actually. We walked through what happened leading up to and mostly through the trip to the ER and the ICU. I still need to go by the hospital and give a thank you card to Josh and Amanda. Lots of stuff was aired out today and it was very good.

I love you babe and will talk to you later. I have my first counseling meeting tomorrow. I'll let you know how that goes.

Wes