Home

Kristen Chenoweth was back on Glee tonight and all the songs except Fire by Bruce Springsteen and Beautiful by X-tina were all about home. About finding someone that helps to make a house a home and knowing that person will be there to be with you when times get rough. You were my home. You made this residence something worth having and I selfishly want that back. I want you back in my life to make our house a home again. I miss you so terribly right now and it's not fair. Everything in here reminds me of you and my heart hurt tonight.

I was talking to Trish about it the other day and the reason I don't want to watch any tv shows is when I delete one, it takes me one further from you. We were watching episodes of Supernatural that had recorded before you died and it made me incredibly sad to see commercials for tv that was happening during that time. The episode of Smallville that had the Justice Society in it happened on Friday. I will probably never forget that now.

I hope that things are good where you are and that you get to see and do amazing things. I miss my home and don't know if I will ever have one again.

Love you, babe

Ay, yi, yi....

Sean,

Just when I think I have things all under control and I am in command of everything in my life, something creeps up and slaps the shit out of me to remind me that I'm really not. Everything I see, everywhere I look, hell even things I think about make me think about you. Don't get me wrong...I wouldn't have it any other way but I just feel like somedays I can get by with my thoughts being my own. I would trade everything I have and most of who I am to see your face again. I want to sit and watch youtube videos of 80s cartoons, I want to go see new movies with you. I want to be able to do all those things I took for granted and this time know that each and every single one of those moments is special.

I keep trying to tell myself to live my life with no regrets but I fail miserably every time I think that way. I want my old life back. The one that had you in it. The one where we made a whole person instead of me sitting here alone. I want your cooking back and I want you to tell me I'm doing something wrong. Mostly I want the pain to go away. That's my biggest problem, I can't stop hurting. I can force myself to focus on something else and I can make myself do the things I know I need to do but I can't make myself stop missing you. And I don't know if I would if I actually could.

Missing you like crazy, babe

Wes

P.S. Here's some Kidd Video for you.

I feel the change comin’

Sean,

The past 2 days have been pretty rough. It started with hearing Miss Didi Ross on the radio yesterday morning singing Remember Me. I had never heard that song before but it immediately made me think of you as words that you would tell me if you had the chance. So I started crying during that song while driving then it went into Weekend in New England by Barry Manilow. Again a song I had never heard but it totally hit me in the heart too. It amazes me how some days are amazing and I can make it through without issue and others like the past 2 have hurt like hell. Went to Ava's birthday party today and just cried through it. I mean hells bells. I will get better but some days it's just hard. I love you and you know that.

Here are some words from Barry. I am becoming quite the Fanilow. LOL

We started a story
Whose end must now wait

And, tell me
When will our eyes meet
When can I touch you
When will this strong yearning end
And when will I hold you again

Miss You Babe

Wes

Remember Me

Bye baby, see you around
Didn't I tell you I wouldn't hold you down
Take good care of yourself, y'hear
Don't let me hear about you shedding a tear
You're gonna make it
You're gonna make it

Remember me as a sunny day
That you once had, along the way
Didn't I inspire you a little higher
Remember me as a funny clown
That made you laugh when you were down
Didn't I boy, didn't I boy

Remember me as a big balloon
At a carnival that ended too soon
Remember me as a breath of spring
Remember me as a good thing

Bye baby, see you around
I already know about the new love you've found
What can I do but wish you well
What we had was really swell
I won't forget it, No, I have no regrets

Remember me as a sound of laughter
And my face the morning after
Didn't the sky beckon us to fly?
Yes, you'll remember the times we fought
But don't forget me in your tender thoughts
Please darlin' oh yeah

Remember me when you drink the wine
Of sweet success and I gave you my best
Remember me with every song you sing
Remember me as a good thing

Remember me as a sunny day
Please darling, remember me as a good thing
Remember me when you drink the wine
Ah, Yeah
Remember me as a good thing
Baby, oh Yeah
Remember me as a good thing
Remember me

Keep keepin on

Sean,

The semester is almost over which draws and end to my time at OCTC. I am glad to be graduating and look forward to going to WKU next semester. I'm still getting used to the whole work thing and my body doesn't really like it. I need to get in bed earlier but getting home from school and cooking and all that puts my "me" time ending around 11. I guess I'll just have to have less of it so that I can get in bed earlier. I mowed the yard on the riding mower all by my self. I am gonna wait til Sunday to do it again when Steven can help me with changing the oil. You're check came. But you know that. I just wanted to check in with you cause I hadn't in a while.

I love you and always will.

Wes